Children and Distress Tolerance

One thing that is really contributing to the increased rates of anxiety and depression in our young people is because they have a belief which comes from the grownups around them mostly, it comes from our culture, that they're not supposed to feel distress.

What's happening a lot with parenting is snowplow parenting and that is the desire to remove distress from our children's lives. Anxious parents tend to do this more than non-anxious parents because they're empathic to their child's struggles.

What happens is parents stepping in and promoting the idea that you're not going to or that you shouldn't feel distressed. Then when these young adults move into the world and they don't get along with their roommate, or there's a teacher or lecturer that's grumpy or not warm or toward them, or they get asked to do something at their first job that they don't really know how to do, or don't really want to do; they try and avoid distress, and they haven't had any practice at dealing with it.

Emotional immunity is the way that people get used to distress by experiencing it in small doses, hopefully in a healthy, safe, securely attached environment as they're growing up so that they can appreciate it.

We all need to be resilient in order to navigate life. Resilience is one of those things that we can never develop unless we’ve faced distress. You need to normalise it and build up immunity to it. You're going to allow for kids and young people, teenagers, to have distress in small doses because life will certainly give it to them in big doses as they navigate their path in life (NICAMB).

Don't be part of the reason why life is hard for your children; help them build resilience without coming to the rescue every time. It is okay for them to feel sad sometimes; it is okay for them to learn to sort out problems - you can help them brainstorm. Let them know it is okay to feel bad sometimes and help them develop skills to aid them in getting back to "joy camp". It is okay that life is not always fair. It is how we deal with it that matters.

Bless all the parents, Father God, and let them hear Your heart for their children. Help them to parent as You would so that their children can be effective in life and in their purpose and calling.

We know, Father God, that sometimes purpose and calling are hard, and if we can't do "hard", we might be tempted to step away when there is distress. Help the parents, Father God, to help their children "do hard" and help the parents model this to their children also. We thank You, Father God, that Your Son Jesus was the ultimate example of "doing hard" when He sacrificed Himself for us. Let your children know, Father God, let them feel it, Father God, that You are always near to help in time of need.

Thank You for loving us and caring about every detail of our lives. Thank You that You are always willing to help if we call on You. Parenting is sometimes really hard, Father God, but You know this, don't You? Thank You for being patient with us. Help us display Your love and patience with our children as we train them up in Your design and as we allow them to "do hard" without rescuing them.

Father God, strengthen the parents in the power of Your might, in the mighty name of Jesus. Amen.