Unpacking Confirmation Bias: How Our Distorted Views Shape Life, Faith, and Relationships

Introduction

Have you ever noticed how once you believe something - whether it’s “I’m not good enough,” “People will always leave,” or “God is disappointed in me”- you start seeing evidence of it everywhere? This is not a coincidence. It’s what psychologists call confirmation bias, and it can profoundly shape our emotional health, our relationships, and even our view of God and the Church.

Confirmation bias is a fascinating yet often misleading phenomenon that influences how we see the world. In therapy sessions, I frequently observe how individuals selectively gather information to validate their somewhat distorted views of themselves, others, and their circumstances. Grasping confirmation bias is essential, as it affects various aspects of our lives - spirit, soul, and body. Additionally, from a Christian perspective, it can subtly shape our view of faith communities and the Church.

What is Confirmation Bias?

At its core, confirmation bias is the inclination to search for, interpret, and remember information in a way that confirms one’s pre-existing beliefs. Imagine wearing tinted glasses that filter out certain colours; this biases colours in our reality.

In therapy, I've seen clients who have a rigid mindset about themselves. They often focus solely on evidence that validates negative beliefs. For example, someone battling low self-esteem might fixate on criticism, ignoring compliments that could boost their confidence. This behaviour not only hinders personal growth but may also trigger a deeper sense of unhappiness that affects every area of their lives.

The Impact on Body, Soul, and Spirit

As holistic beings, our mind, body, soul, and spirit are interwoven. Confirmation bias can trigger a chain reaction of harmful effects in each of these dimensions:

1. Body: Chronic stress from distorted thinking affects our nervous system, sleep, and physical health. If we’re always in a state of self-defense or self-rejection, our body suffers. Our beliefs can shape our health perceptions, which can have grave consequences. For instance, a person convinced that "doctors can’t be trusted" might skip necessary medical treatments. A survey found that 15% of individuals avoid seeking medical advice due to mistrust, which can worsen health conditions.

   
   

2. Soul: Beliefs heavily influence emotional well-being. Persistently clinging to negative views can lead to anxiety and depression, entrenching us in a cycle of negativity. It reinforces unhealthy thought patterns (Romans 12:2), fuels anxiety, and can keep us stuck in cycles of shame or self-condemnation. We begin to live from a wounded identity instead of a renewed mind. Research suggests that people with confirmation bias are more likely to experience prolonged periods of distress, impacting their overall happiness.

   
   

3. Spirit: Confirmation bias can distort our view of God. We may believe He’s silent, angry, or far away and only notice scriptures, sermons, or experiences that seem to affirm this. We close ourselves off to the true character of God as revealed in Christ. We may miss moments of grace and mercy in our lives if we only see that He is a harsh God and not one who cares for us. A study showed that 40% of individuals surveyed felt disconnected from their faith due to distorted beliefs about divine nature.

A Christian Perspective

In Christianity, confirmation bias shapes our understanding of God, the Church, and our relationships with others. We often overlook significant aspects of faith communities when we cling to misconceptions.

• We may approach church with scepticism, expecting to be judged, rejected, or disappointed and subconsciously interpret others’ actions through that lens.

• Leadership may be viewed through past pain (“They just want control” or “They don't really care about people”), even when there’s evidence of love and integrity.

• We may resist correction or discipleship, seeing it as personal rejection rather than godly guidance (Hebrews 12:5-11).

  
  

For example, if a Christian believes that the Church is fundamentally judgmental, they may only notice instances that support this view, disregarding countless examples of love, compassion, and support. This selective perception forms barriers that prevent us from experiencing the fullness of community life.

A relevant scripture is Proverbs 4:23: “Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.” This verse underscores the idea that our inner beliefs significantly influence our actions and perceptions. God doesn’t just want to heal our behaviour, He wants to heal the beliefs underneath it. This includes the ones that colour how we see people and interpret conflict.

The Effects on Relationships

When we’re in conflict with someone, whether a spouse, friend, leader, or co-worker, confirmation bias can escalate misunderstanding and emotional distance. If we already believe someone “doesn’t care about me,” “is always critical,” or “can’t be trusted,” we begin to filter everything they say and do through that lens.

Examples:

• A husband forgets to do something small. Instead of seeing it as an oversight, his wife, already believing “he doesn’t value me”, interprets it as evidence that he doesn't care.

• In a church conflict, a person who believes “leaders are manipulative” may perceive every boundary or correction as control, rather than care or protection.

• A friend expresses concern, and it’s heard as judgment, because deep down the person believes “people always turn on me.”

This creates a self-fulfilling loop: we interpret actions through our wounded assumptions, react from that place, and provoke responses confirming our belief.

Confirmation Bias in Conflict Looks Like:

• Assuming intent (e.g., “They did that on purpose.”)

• Selective listening (hearing only what fits the narrative)

• Invalidating good moments (“That apology doesn’t count; they don’t mean it.”)

• Over-generalising (“They always do this.”)

This damages trust, prevents reconciliation, and keeps us stuck in defensiveness or isolation.

Scriptures to Reflect On

• “Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind.” Romans 12:2. Renewing the mind is a spiritual practice that challenges distorted beliefs.

• “Take every thought captive to make it obedient to Christ.” 2 Corinthians 10:5. We must examine the root of our thoughts and beliefs in light of the truth of God's Word.

• “Search me, O God, and know my heart... see if there is any offensive way in me.” Psalm 139:23-24. Inviting God into our thought life opens the door for healing and realignment.

• “The eye is the lamp of the body... if your eyes are healthy, your whole body will be full of light.” Matthew 6:22. How we see affects our whole life.

  
  
  
  

Bridging the Gap Between Perspectives

To combat confirmation bias, it’s vital to cultivate a mindset of openness and curiosity. An age-old saying, “Seek first to understand, then to be understood,” highlights the importance of communication with each other and respect, particularly in our faith communities and personal relationships.

Healing the Bias: Practical Steps

• Awareness: Begin noticing when you’re interpreting things through a negative lens.

• Curiosity over Certainty: Ask, “What else could be true?” or “Am I seeing the full picture?”

• Scripture and Prayer: Invite the Holy Spirit to renew your vision with truth.

• Community: Let trusted voices speak into your blind spots—wise leaders, mentors, and counsellors.

  
  

Reflection Questions

Reflection: Is My Lens Clouded?

Healing from confirmation bias begins with awareness. Ask the Holy Spirit to gently reveal where you may be seeing through a wounded or distorted lens.

Personal Journaling Prompts:

• What are some recurring beliefs I have about myself, others, or God? (e.g., “People always leave,” “I’m too much,” “God is silent.”)

• Where do I see those beliefs being confirmed in my daily life, even subtly?

• In conflict, what assumptions do I make about the other person’s motives?

• Is it possible I’m filtering their actions through a past wound?

• What would it look like to pause and ask, “What else could be true here?”

• What is God’s truth about this person? About me? About this situation?

Scripture Meditation:

Take one of these verses into prayer or journaling. Ask God to renew your mind and help you see through His eyes:

• “You will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.” John 8:32

• “Search me, God, and know my heart... lead me in the way everlasting.” Psalm 139:23-24

• “Let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger.” James 1:19

• “We take every thought captive to make it obedient to Christ.” 2 Corinthians 10:5

  
  

Closing Prayer

Lord, help me see clearly. Where my thoughts have been shaped by pain instead of truth, renew my mind. Where I’ve misjudged others or hardened my heart, soften me with grace. Heal the lens through which I see myself, others, and even You. I want to walk in truth, not assumption. In Jesus’ name, amen.

Closing Thoughts

Confirmation bias is a subtle yet potent force in our lives, shaping our perceptions in ways we might not always notice. Whether we are working on our self-image in therapy, navigating spiritual beliefs, or engaged in relationships, recognising the influence of these biases is vital.

By cultivating a mindset of growth and humility, we can enhance our understanding and connections with ourselves and others. Let us challenge ourselves to unpack these biases, nurturing a more compassionate, loving, and authentic approach to life and faith.

As we navigate our beliefs, relationships, and interactions in community, let’s strive to be seekers of truth, recognising when to adjust our lenses for a clearer view.

Bless you today in the mighty name of Yeshua!

For a helpful resource to go with this blog, download this link: "Cognitive Distortions".