Why Do We Need to Self-Care?

As a counsellor, I see many women of all ages who come for counselling or inner healing/deliverance. What I see in almost 100% of these women is the effects of trauma and adverse circumstances, as well as relational stresses on their bodies. The one thing I often stress is that the body will speak if the person is not taking care of their health - mental, emotional and physical health. There is much research providing evidence of the body holding onto trauma. Bessel van der Kolk wrote "The Body Keeps the Score", which is one of the best works on this topic. Gabor Mate wrote "When the Body Says No" detailing the effects of not being able to say no when we need to so that we can self-care.

Part of the healing process, when I work with someone, is paying attention to what is happening in the body and helping the person start to help the body get back to calm. I teach techniques that will help the nervous system function in a way that does not constantly put the body under stress. It also helps them to start to notice the signs in their bodies that signal distress. The body speaks because the person does not. Unhealed trauma, suppressing emotions, and living in denial of dysfunctional patterns and relationships that are not healthy all contribute to stress on the systems of the body. 

Giving too much of yourself without regard for yourself is unhealthy and extremely harmful. Unfortunately, this is also an environmental issue tied to the messages we receive about this kind of behaviour. Women, in particular, having multiple roles, often feel pressured to fill them to the best of their ability. Often we excuse this type of behaviour because we think we are being servants to others. A biblical reference. However, we can only give in a healthy way if we have a healthy view of others. Giving and doing more than we need to in order to get our needs met or to receive affirmation, validation, or love is not part of servanthood. Jesus could be a servant to others because He knew who He was. He did not compromise who He was in His giving to others. He gave out of a place of security and knowing who His Father was. He did not give out of a place of having His needs met or for receiving validation or affirmation. His identity was secure. He took time to refresh. 

When we compromise ourselves by giving out of the wrong motives or not knowing when to say no, overloading our plates with carrying unnecessary responsibilities, or thinking that this form of selflessness is healthy, we end up with an empty tank that will eventually compromise our physical health. This makes us no good to anyone. What are some symptoms of this?

Headaches, back and neck issues, joint problems, heart problems, colon issues, autoimmune diseases, skin problems, allergies, asthma, cancer and so on. Insomnia, depression and anxiety also tie into this. 

Bless you and take care of yourself!!